I wrote the below article for http://www.booksbywomen.org

It’s hard to believe I’m a published author. This week, my debut historical novel, A Dangerous Land, has been released to the world. What a surreal feeling. Something I never thought would come to pass. It certainly wasn’t an easy road to get here. 

For two years I was set on getting a traditional book deal. It was all I ever wanted, the only thing I was willing to settle for. To me, self-published authors didn’t have the best publishing minds working to help them create the best book possible. Oh, how wrong I was!

I started writing A Dangerous Land in 2020 when the world shut down. I live in Papua New Guinea and wanted to write a book that celebrated its unique beauty and culture. But as I delved into the research, I realised there was so much more worth knowing about PNG, including a dark colonial past. I tried to incorporate this history through my main character Amelia’s POV and after many months and several drafts later, I finally had suitable version by the end of 2020.

I immediately starting pitching the novel, which was probably a mistake. I should’ve given it time to rest. But I didn’t know where else I could go with the story and wanted industry feedback. Another mistake I realised later. It’s rare to get any feedback. 

I started by pitching at the Australian Society of Authors (ASA) Speed Dating events, and by December 2020 I had two major publishers requesting to read it. Within a month, the first publisher politely declined to take it further. “Not quite engaging enough” was the feedback. Feedback I’d soon learn was common from publishers. But there were still so many more to approach, so I brushed it off and continued pitching. In Australia, you don’t need an agent to pitch to most publishing houses, however, there is certainly merit to having an agent or using a pitching event where you can get in front of the decision maker. At the same time, I was pitching US agents with little success. 

After an ASA event in May 2021, another major publisher asked for the first 50 pages. A month later, it was the whole book. I squealed with excitement, once again convinced this was my break. And then, a couple of months later, I got another dose of disappointment. Fortunately, this time it came with a full page of feedback from a very kind editor. 

She told me where she thought the real story was, and how I wrote much stronger from the other main character, Daniel’s, POV. Finally, someone was telling me what the story needed, what I had been craving to hear! I replied, asking if she’d reconsider the novel if I were to make the changes. She said yes, and it was that glimmer of hope that I held onto for the next year. 

I stopped pitching and rewrote over 60% of the book. I balanced the POVs of the two main characters and made the bold decision to write from a mixed-race character’s POV. I engaged sensitivity readers and edited and edited. Nine months later, I had a completely different story. And so I sent it back to the major publisher who gave me the feedback and started pitching it widely again. 

Immediately, I had two more major publishers interested. Surely, between these three, one of them were going to take it? It was a tense couple of months of me checking my email every few minutes, waiting for that life altering news I was so desperate to hear. But slowly, the bad news trickled in. Another “not quite engaging enough”, while the other one went quiet. Then finally, my golden goose publisher got back to me. 

It was a no. I was gutted to say the least. I cried for two days. The reason why? There was concern the own voices movement would result in me facing pushback in the market. I could understand where she was coming from and how risk adverse publishers are today. But still, it was devastating. I began to realise that A Dangerous Land may never be published. At least not traditionally. My dreams of becoming a published author were fading.

So I started to research self-publishing and made the decision that if I didn’t secure a publishing deal by the end of 2022, that I’d do it myself. 2023 rolled around and those last few publishers I was holding onto never got back to me. But I was starting to get excited about self-publishing. I could see a clear road now, a road where I would have full control and say. I hired an editor, then a designer and within a few months (not years like the traditional realm), my book was ready. This thing I had written, had worked on for nearly three years had come to life. 

I soon learned that I was able to access the best publishing minds through platforms like Reedsy. It was my ego that was holding me back, that stigma about self-publishing that I couldn’t shake. Sometimes my own self-doubt creeps in and tells me I’m a fake. But I know that’s not true. I created something that deserves to be read. Even if those traditional folk don’t agree, I know that I have written a story that is worth knowing.